I don't remember the time before I started waiting for Ilya Kovalchuk. The calendar says it was only 12 days ago, but... no, that can't be right. It was a lifetime ago, right? Did I have a beard then? I think I've grown a couple inches, but I can't be sure. Who was I? Whatever I was, I was happy. I know that.
Wait, hold on! I just got a Tweet. ...Nevermind, the Thrashers just got a new assistant coach.
Now my demeanor, my mood, is being held captive by a Russian. My heart soars when I hear that Kovalchuk and the Kings are talking, only for my hopes to be dashed when I hear Dean Lombardi has cut off communication once again.
He says yes, I cheer.
He says no, I weep.
He says maybe, I resort to writing like Bill Plaschke.
I just want it to be over. Can Ilya see how great we'd be together? It makes too much sense not to happen. The Kings have an amazing young team, a team full of role players and good character guys. All they need is a sniper, someone who can finish Anze Kopitar's set ups at even-strength and Drew Doughty's dishes on the power play. He'll have carte blanche to be himself. Defense? That's what the other guys on the team are for. All we ask is for 40 goals a year and a sensible cap hit. Is that too much to ask?
Bringing Ilya Kovalchuk to Los Angeles would be the biggest sports acquisition for Los Angeles sports since Shaq. Forget Becks. Manny who? They were old by the time they got here. Kovalchuk has his flaws, he has his foibles, his attitude isn't great, but he performs at a level no one else can match. Signing him would be so amazing.
Wait, did he sign just now? ... No, no he didn't. Maybe in another 30 seconds.
Ilya Kovalchuk was in Los Angeles earlier this week. He saw the sites with Dustin Brown while Kings GM Dean Lombardi and Kovalchuk's agent Jay Grossman give it another go. They're likely talking right now. About what? I don't know. Are they laughing at how thoroughly they've destroyed my life? Probably.
Hold on, I have to refresh my screen; he just signed, I know it.